Choose Love Over Violence

People are so angry whether you are on the receiving end of gun violence, conducting the gun violence or are a bystander to the gun violence. We have been going through a lot for quite a while now, and especially in the last two and a half years and sadly it has changed the way we literally live.

Mentally and emotionally, many have been dealing with so much! Anxiety and depression can be residing in you or someone you know, and before we know it, it will be masked with anger. Experiencing mental illness is almost quite normal for us. Numbers are at an all time high.

You are not alone.

With that, self care has truly been dramatized and people have either jumped on the self care bandwagon and are finding that self care does not have to cost, OR people are refusing to “do self care” because everyone is doing it. So, here I am asking YOU, How are you taking care of yourself? How can you take better care of yourself? Is what you are doing now, hurting or helping you? Take a look at some of the habits you engage in daily, are they healthy habits or hurtful habits?

How you show up for yourself matters.

Jazzy Speaks

PAUSE!

It is time for us all to press PAUSE and really, truly, look within. Do your part for you! You matter. Your mental health matters. How you respond and react to the world around you matters. How you show up for yourself matters. How you show up for your significant other matters. How you show up for your kids matters. How you show up for your friends matters. How you show up for your co-workers matters. How you show up for a stranger… matters. What will you do THIS week, to take care of you? Check out my previous blog on self care tips for some ideas. Be well.

The best gift you can give yourself is love.

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25 Self Care Ideas to Kickstart Your New Self Care Routine

What do you do for self care?

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Self care is about self, you know the person you look in the mirror at daily? Yes, YOU! We tend to put ourselves at the bottom of our to do lists (or we are not even on the to do list at all) and neglect the need for filling up our cups. Self care is important because we cannot be our best selves for the family, friends, and co-workers around us if we are not taking time daily to care for ourselves. I know for me, in the past if I don’t make time for myself (at least ten minutes on a busy day) I will be no good to my family and will think about calling off work and curling up in my bed.

I approve of myself and love myself deeply and completely. I will make time for myself daily.

Jazzy Speaks

When you think about what would be on your list, think about those things that lift you up when you’re having a bad day, things that bring you joy, things that fill your emotional cup up in a way that no one else can.

Below you will find a list of 25 self care ideas that personally, I do myself. What works for me might not work for you. Check out this blog for additional tips. This list is just to help get you started or restarted on your self care routine. Remember, your goal is to find what works for you and stick to a routine. Consistency is key!

My favorite thing to do for self care is walking in nature with my son.

1. Cook breakfast for myself.
2. Do yoga. Switch it up and do yoga outside.
3. Listen to a favorite podcast or Ted Talk.
4. Wake up an hour before the entire household.
5. Turn on calming music and meditate (520 hz)
6. Meditate quietly
7. Take a long shower.
8. Do makeup.
9. Read a book.
10. Listen to a book on audible.
11. Scroll through funny videos on TikTok
12. Call a friend/family member who is not a Debbie downer but someone to lift spirits
13. Sit outside and listen to nature.
14. Go to the gym.
15. Complete a cycle class at the gym.
16. Go for a drive without a destination in mind.
17. Dress up and get cute without having a reason.
18. Bake a desert on my list and eat it!
19. Edit social media following. If they don’t bring me joy, DELETE.
20. Go for a walk.
21. Get a massage.
22. When grocery shopping, throw something in (a chocolate treat) for myself.
23. Cook a fancy steak dinner because I deserve a fancy meal.
24. Take a bath.
25. Watch a tv show that I am behind on.

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If you like what you are reading, please share, like and comment. Looking for other great topics? See recent blogs below.

• Choose Love Over Violence
  People are so angry whether you are on the receiving end of gun violence, conducting […]
• 25 Self Care Ideas to Kickstart Your New Self Care Routine
  Have you been neglecting yourself? It’s mental health awareness month and it is important for you to tap into yourself and what brings you joy in order to be your best self. Here are 25 Self Care ideas to kickstart you new self care routine.
• Five Things You Should Be Doing to Cope with COVID
  COVID has not been kind in many ways. Mental health is just as important as physical health during this time.
• Three Quick Self Esteem Boosters You Can Do In Your Car
  It all starts with believing that you can. We all have moments or days where we feel down about ourselves. Here are some quick self esteem boosters you can do in your car or anywhere to switch your mood and mindset.
• Car Pool Karaoke
  Sometimes you just need a concert in your car to lift your spirits from COVID.

Five Things You Should Be Doing to Cope with COVID

Mental health according to the World Health Organization, is “a state of well-being in which the individual realizes his or her own abilities, can cope with the normal stresses of life, can work productively and fruitfully, and is able to make a contribution to his or her community”. Since COVID, mental health has become less of a stigma. It honestly appears to have become a part of everyday conversation. People are asking or saying: “what are you doing for self care”, “how are you able to take care of yourself this week”, “did you take time for yourself today”, or “do something that brings you joy”.

Mental health…is not a destination, but a process. It’s about how you drive, not where you’re going.”

Noam Shpancer, PhD

COVID has really taken a toll on many people all over the world mentally and has even resulted in some people’s death. Not only are those who test positive with COVID have other lasting effects physically from the virus, they are also affected mentally. Whether it be anxiety, guilt, depression, PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder), or mood disorders, COVID can have a lasting effect mentally if we do not prepare ourselves and actively take care of ourselves now.

How can we avoid anymore people dying because they are mentally ill? COVID is still slowly killing from the virus and killing people mentally and emotionally because of feelings of loneliness, separation, grief and suicidal thoughts/ideations.

I am focused on my health.

Fight back!

Here are FIVE things you could and should be doing to cope with COVID, whether you have been affected physically by the virus or not:

1. Connect with family and friends. Now that some restrictions are lifted, plan a safe outing with family or friends. And continue to use FaceTime, Zoom, Whatapp, or your favorite video calling app to stay connected with friends and family.
2. Take a walk. Get out of the house! Physical activity is necessary especially for those of us that are still working from home.
3. Laugh! You know the saying: laughter is medicine. Find a comedy show, a stand up show, or your favorite social media comic.
4. Turn off the news! We all know we are living in trying times right now and we do not have to continue to pump the negativity into our heads. Take a break from reading and watching the news. Fill your head with positivity and good news!
5. Allow yourself to feel. Many times we find ourselves going through the motions and forgetting to stop. Spend some time reflecting with yourself and making sure that you are being intentional with how you feel and getting the best out of your life experience. If you need help with this, reach out to a therapist or coach to help you.

I refuse to let my mind bully my body.

Remember! COVID is not going to last forever. Take care of yourself mentally, physically, and spiritually starting now. Tap into those things that brought you joy before COVID and DO THEM.

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Three Quick Self Esteem Boosters You Can Do In Your Car

Do you have moments through out the day where your energy begins to drop or you begin to have thoughts about how well you are doing something or being to someone? Sometimes these moments happen right before an interview, a meeting, meeting a family member or friend for the first time or in a long time, going on a date, or even pulling up in front of your own home.

Self esteem according to Very Well Mind is “used to describe a person’s overall subjective sense of personal worth or value. In other words, self-esteem may be defined as how much you appreciate and like yourself regardless of the circumstances”. Your self-esteem affects many aspects of yourself to include:

• Overall self-confidence
• Feeling of acceptance by others
• Feeling of security with self and others
• Identity: how you view yourself
• Feeling capable of completing tasks

The person I want to become is a better version of myself.

Many times we do not give ourselves enough credit or grace. You are here in this very moment because you were meant to be here. Let’s get into three quick ways to boost your self esteem.

1. Pep Talk: give yourself a pep talk. This can look like sitting with self for a moment, identifying the negative thoughts trying to creep into your mind. Turn those thoughts into positive ones. This requires you to believe in yourself and your abilities.

• Examples:
  • I am not good enough vs I am more than enough
  • I am not qualified for this interview vs I was chosen for this interview because I am qualified and I am prepared
  • What if they don’t like me vs I am confident in my abilities and who I am, I like myself
  • I am a terrible parent vs I made a mistake and that does not define my parenting skills, my child loves me and I love my child

I will stay calm even in the midst of chaos.

2. Speak positive affirmations to yourself. Remember that saying them out loud and writing them down has a deeper impact that simply reading them silently

3. Play a favorite song that’s uplifting to you. Try to create a playlist of those songs on your phone so you can easily access them. Music can boost your mood quickly!

I hope you find these helpful! Share with me below in the comments of what your self esteem boosters are!

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Car Pool Karaoke

When my spirits are low, COVID numbers are high, and the weather is trying to keep me inside, I jump in my car. I crank up my car, click on my favorite playlist, turn the volume up loud, and I sing, loudly and dance a little in my seat. Because this past week was a particularly dreary and a gray one literally and figuratively. So, I transformed my car into a car pool karaoke hour without the pooling. Grasping my fake microphone like Beyoncé did at Coachella, I performed my heart out to a crowd of one (my son of course). I performed my favorite car music hits from H.E.R to Rihanna to Wale. Those songs give me a boost when I need it, and this past week I needed a BIG one.

Is it 2022 yet?

There’s something about singing and dancing that, for me, invites sunshine in on rainy days. For you, pumping weights or drawing or baking or coloring or crafting or something more unusual may do the trick. Wherever your karaoke hour is and whoever your H.E.R, Rihanna or Wale may be, I hope you’ve found some healthy habits during COVID that bring you joy and peace. Just be sure that the activity of your choice does not bother your neighbors!

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Please leave a comment below and tell me what your favorite song is!

Rest Your Eyes

One of my biggest supporters, is my mom. My mom has seen me since I was in her womb. The first thing she looked at when she saw me was my eyes. Many times our eyes say more than the words out of our mouths. This was sent to me by her as a reminder to rest, and I share with you also. Take a moment, close your eyes, rest, reflect, and enjoy a moment of peace.

I shut my eyes in order to see.

Paul Gauguin

Brown Eyes

Beauty is how you feel inside, and it reflects in your eyes. It is not something physical. – Sophia Loren

Your eyes, the windows to your soul, those beautiful brown dollops of color placed so strategically on your face.
Your eyes, that have seen so much, shed so many tears, smiled and laughed so much.
Your eyes work hard everyday to see, to observe, to watch, to read, to behold the beauty of each new sunrise and sunset.
As you live and love, your precious eyes and the soul and body they are attached to, remember to rest with sweet peace.

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10 Affirmations To Improve Your Mindset

Now that we have the 7 steps to discovering your true self, let’s dig deeper into the final nugget.

The seventh nugget: Affirm Yourself

Affirmations. Affirmations. Affirmations. These are huge. Even if you don’t believe them to be true right now, you can practice saying things that you want to be true. Take a minute and think about the things and people in your life. What is going well? Encourage yourself to speak more positively about your life and the impact that things and people have in your life.

Not yet is better than never.

Our thoughts, in many ways, determine how successful we can be in any given moment. The powerful impact that affirmations have over our daily confidence and self worth when we are feeling down or negative is backed by research.

I believe in myself and my ability to succeed.

Many times we do not realize how much we affirm others over ourselves. It is sometimes easier to give someone else a compliment before we give one to ourselves. Instead of constantly criticizing yourself, try affirming yourself. Get started with one of these ten affirmations below:

1. I will turn negative thoughts into positive ones and create a safe space for myself
2. I am a positive and focused person filled with faith, confidence, and enthusiasm
3. I trust that everything in my life will be fine and give myself permission to be emotional so that I can learn and grow
4. My words matter and I can add value to any conversation
5. I see so many positives in my life and I am transforming my life day by day
6. I am trusting the journey and accept myself as I am
7. I am more than enough, my life is valuable, I am worthy of love, peace, and happiness
8. I trust myself to make the right decision, I believe in myself and in my abilities
9. I will not let my anxious thoughts have power over me. I will use that energy to help me understand my thoughts and feelings
10. I am relaxed, refreshed, and healthy

Write down one or two of your favorites on a sticky note, in your phone, in a notebook, or even on your bathroom mirror and speak life over yourself, every morning. There’s a powerful app called “ThinkUp” that you can download on your phone and you can record yourself speaking your affirmations and replay it at any time. Hearing our own voice has so much impact on our brain and so does repetition. It is encouraging to ourselves when we start our day affirming and reminding ourselves that the process of eliminating negativity starts within. This helps to set the tone for your day. Give yourself permission to fail, you are not perfect and we all make mistakes. Turn the failures you experience into lessons so that you can be and feel confident enough to move forward and try again. YOU got this!

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Reaction to Derrick Jaxn – Perspective

Wow…

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Take a step back, open your mind for a moment and remember that people have various types of motivation for what they do, especially on social media. This is also known as someone’s “WHY,” which means that I as a relationship coach, advocate it is my experiences that motivate and influence me to do what I am doing. If you have not read my Intro To Me, please do so.

The reason I decided to give a response to Derrick Jaxn’s video apology/truth is because of perspective. Derrick has been known as a huge social media icon: Mr. Relationship. He has provided content to his followers to include advice, books, games and weekly videos on how a man should and should not be in relationships and towards his woman.

Allow me to share my perspective. Scrolling through any social media site, you will find many responses and comments toward this couple, especially directed towards him. So allow me to walk you through my thoughts.

On one side I hear:

• You are a lie
• You’re a cheat
• All men cheat
• Everyone cheats
• You’ve been putting yourself on this pedestal as if you were the best example of what a man should be to his woman.
• There’s no hope

Another side I hear:

• You have given great advice and most of the time what drives someone to do what they do (as I stated earlier) is based on experience.

Perhaps if he had led with, “I was a cheater and I’m speaking from experience, let me help you be a better man in your relationships,” we would have been more receptive to hear and receive what he was saying.

The final side I hear:

• Great job for owning your truth and doing the work behind the scenes with your wife.
• Shout out to her for sticking by your side through your bs.

Although during the interview, I was feeling that her body language showed that she was “over it” for a lack of better words.

Focus on what you have going on with yourself and in your household before you judge.

Remember the open mind I asked you to have at the beginning? Great. I remind you to focus on what you have going on with yourself and in your household before you judge.

There’s so much to unravel through this situation and at the same time we will never know the entire story or truth and it’s not meant for us to anyway but based on what we do know, what can we learn from him? When you are passionate about something, in your “why” define your purpose and passion then share with your audience where that passion stems from and what was the “ah-ha” moment for defining your purpose? Transparency as you open up to your audience matters and allows you to immediately connect with your audience on a more purposeful level. After all, we are ALL HUMAN.

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Self Discovery Nugget 6: Forgive – 3 Steps

Now that we have the 7 steps to discovering your true self, let’s continue to dig deeper because I filled you up with so many valuable nuggets.

The sixth nugget: Forgive Yourself in 3 Steps

Sometimes what is holding us back at being the best version of ourselves is the person we see when we look in the mirror. When was the last time you looked in the mirror and had a conversation with yourself?

First, you must accept responsibility for what has happened to you and for the things you have done. Being open and honest with yourself for what you have faced or are facing can be very challenging. You want to avoid feeling guilty, and regret. However, expect those negative feelings to creep in and use this as an opportunity to identify what positive behavior changes you can make.

Forgive yourself for not knowing what you didn’t know before you learned it. — Maya Angelou

Second, when it comes to forgiveness, most of the time you are trying to make amends with someone so you can move forward. The same applies to self forgiveness. Making amends with yourself will help you learn to trust yourself again if you stopped. A great exercise I find helpful is to go in your bathroom, close the door, look in the mirror, and do something like this:

“[insert your name] and say: I’m sorry for allowing these things to happen to you. I’m sorry for how I’ve been treating you. You deserve better. You deserve happiness. You deserve to find out what your purpose is on earth and live a happy life. I will create happiness for you starting now. I forgive you.. Moving forward, I will try my best everyday to give you what you deserve. I forgive myself. I am proud of myself for trying. I am who I need to be in this moment”.

I am who I need to be in this moment.

Third, allow yourself to feel all the feelings that come out of this moment. Sit with yourself, observe and acknowledge what comes up. Give yourself permission to cry, to yell, or sigh. Come out of that moment on top and with your head held high and a plan to move forward. You can also use the four R’s of forgiveness outlined in this article. They remind us of the importance of self forgiveness — Responsibility, Remorse, Restoration, and Renewal.

You can stay stuck, but where will that get you? Remember, everyone makes mistakes. Everyone has ups and downs. Everyone goes through heart break. Everyone has moments when they doubt their abilities. Learn from those good and bad experiences, acknowledge the events that took place, forgive YOU, and move on.

Self Discovery Nugget 5: Be Vulnerable

Now that we have the 7 steps to discovering your true self, let’s continue to dig deeper because I filled you up with so many valuable nuggets.

The fifth nugget: Be Vulnerable

Be vulnerable and ask a trusted person for feedback. This one requires A LOT OF VULNERABILITY and it requires you TO LISTEN. You have to be willing to divide what you hear. That means take what you think can be helpful and let the rest be discarded. This is not an easy process and will take you time to learn how to accept all feedback given to you.

You can either become a victim or a student of the feedback you receive.

Seek out a trusted person who you feel knows you pretty well and ask them what they think about you. Ask them to give you the good, bad, and ugly because you want to know. Ask them what they think you can improve upon and work on to be a better version of yourself. You don’t just have to ask a trusted person, you can even ask an ex, a previous co worker, or someone you may have fallen out with years ago.

Nothing is impossible. The word itself says I’M POSSIBLE!

Audrey Hepburn

Following receiving this feedback, you will need to sit with yourself and have deep self reflective conversations. You may hear things that you have neglected to be honest with yourself about in the past. The key is for you to stay in control of your feelings and how you respond. You can either become a victim or a student of the feedback you receive. This conversation is definitely helpful when relationships are ending, whether that’s friendships or love relationships. Having a growth mindset as this article beautifully describes, will help you go into and leave these conversations with grace, and a willingness to change what you think is necessary.

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