Five Things You Should Be Doing to Cope with COVID

Mental health according to the World Health Organization, is “a state of well-being in which the individual realizes his or her own abilities, can cope with the normal stresses of life, can work productively and fruitfully, and is able to make a contribution to his or her community”. Since COVID, mental health has become less of a stigma. It honestly appears to have become a part of everyday conversation. People are asking or saying: “what are you doing for self care”, “how are you able to take care of yourself this week”, “did you take time for yourself today”, or “do something that brings you joy”.

Mental health…is not a destination, but a process. It’s about how you drive, not where you’re going.”

Noam Shpancer, PhD

COVID has really taken a toll on many people all over the world mentally and has even resulted in some people’s death. Not only are those who test positive with COVID have other lasting effects physically from the virus, they are also affected mentally. Whether it be anxiety, guilt, depression, PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder), or mood disorders, COVID can have a lasting effect mentally if we do not prepare ourselves and actively take care of ourselves now.

How can we avoid anymore people dying because they are mentally ill? COVID is still slowly killing from the virus and killing people mentally and emotionally because of feelings of loneliness, separation, grief and suicidal thoughts/ideations.

I am focused on my health.

Fight back!

Here are FIVE things you could and should be doing to cope with COVID, whether you have been affected physically by the virus or not:

1. Connect with family and friends. Now that some restrictions are lifted, plan a safe outing with family or friends. And continue to use FaceTime, Zoom, Whatapp, or your favorite video calling app to stay connected with friends and family.
2. Take a walk. Get out of the house! Physical activity is necessary especially for those of us that are still working from home.
3. Laugh! You know the saying: laughter is medicine. Find a comedy show, a stand up show, or your favorite social media comic.
4. Turn off the news! We all know we are living in trying times right now and we do not have to continue to pump the negativity into our heads. Take a break from reading and watching the news. Fill your head with positivity and good news!
5. Allow yourself to feel. Many times we find ourselves going through the motions and forgetting to stop. Spend some time reflecting with yourself and making sure that you are being intentional with how you feel and getting the best out of your life experience. If you need help with this, reach out to a therapist or coach to help you.

I refuse to let my mind bully my body.

Remember! COVID is not going to last forever. Take care of yourself mentally, physically, and spiritually starting now. Tap into those things that brought you joy before COVID and DO THEM.

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Car Pool Karaoke

When my spirits are low, COVID numbers are high, and the weather is trying to keep me inside, I jump in my car. I crank up my car, click on my favorite playlist, turn the volume up loud, and I sing, loudly and dance a little in my seat. Because this past week was a particularly dreary and a gray one literally and figuratively. So, I transformed my car into a car pool karaoke hour without the pooling. Grasping my fake microphone like Beyoncé did at Coachella, I performed my heart out to a crowd of one (my son of course). I performed my favorite car music hits from H.E.R to Rihanna to Wale. Those songs give me a boost when I need it, and this past week I needed a BIG one.

Is it 2022 yet?

There’s something about singing and dancing that, for me, invites sunshine in on rainy days. For you, pumping weights or drawing or baking or coloring or crafting or something more unusual may do the trick. Wherever your karaoke hour is and whoever your H.E.R, Rihanna or Wale may be, I hope you’ve found some healthy habits during COVID that bring you joy and peace. Just be sure that the activity of your choice does not bother your neighbors!

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Please leave a comment below and tell me what your favorite song is!

Rest Your Eyes

One of my biggest supporters, is my mom. My mom has seen me since I was in her womb. The first thing she looked at when she saw me was my eyes. Many times our eyes say more than the words out of our mouths. This was sent to me by her as a reminder to rest, and I share with you also. Take a moment, close your eyes, rest, reflect, and enjoy a moment of peace.

I shut my eyes in order to see.

Paul Gauguin

Brown Eyes

Beauty is how you feel inside, and it reflects in your eyes. It is not something physical. – Sophia Loren

Your eyes, the windows to your soul, those beautiful brown dollops of color placed so strategically on your face.
Your eyes, that have seen so much, shed so many tears, smiled and laughed so much.
Your eyes work hard everyday to see, to observe, to watch, to read, to behold the beauty of each new sunrise and sunset.
As you live and love, your precious eyes and the soul and body they are attached to, remember to rest with sweet peace.

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Self Discovery Nugget 6: Forgive – 3 Steps

Now that we have the 7 steps to discovering your true self, let’s continue to dig deeper because I filled you up with so many valuable nuggets.

The sixth nugget: Forgive Yourself in 3 Steps

Sometimes what is holding us back at being the best version of ourselves is the person we see when we look in the mirror. When was the last time you looked in the mirror and had a conversation with yourself?

First, you must accept responsibility for what has happened to you and for the things you have done. Being open and honest with yourself for what you have faced or are facing can be very challenging. You want to avoid feeling guilty, and regret. However, expect those negative feelings to creep in and use this as an opportunity to identify what positive behavior changes you can make.

Forgive yourself for not knowing what you didn’t know before you learned it. — Maya Angelou

Second, when it comes to forgiveness, most of the time you are trying to make amends with someone so you can move forward. The same applies to self forgiveness. Making amends with yourself will help you learn to trust yourself again if you stopped. A great exercise I find helpful is to go in your bathroom, close the door, look in the mirror, and do something like this:

“[insert your name] and say: I’m sorry for allowing these things to happen to you. I’m sorry for how I’ve been treating you. You deserve better. You deserve happiness. You deserve to find out what your purpose is on earth and live a happy life. I will create happiness for you starting now. I forgive you.. Moving forward, I will try my best everyday to give you what you deserve. I forgive myself. I am proud of myself for trying. I am who I need to be in this moment”.

I am who I need to be in this moment.

Third, allow yourself to feel all the feelings that come out of this moment. Sit with yourself, observe and acknowledge what comes up. Give yourself permission to cry, to yell, or sigh. Come out of that moment on top and with your head held high and a plan to move forward. You can also use the four R’s of forgiveness outlined in this article. They remind us of the importance of self forgiveness — Responsibility, Remorse, Restoration, and Renewal.

You can stay stuck, but where will that get you? Remember, everyone makes mistakes. Everyone has ups and downs. Everyone goes through heart break. Everyone has moments when they doubt their abilities. Learn from those good and bad experiences, acknowledge the events that took place, forgive YOU, and move on.

Self Discovery Nugget 4: Spring Cleaning

Now that we have the 7 steps to discovering your true self, let’s continue to dig deeper because I filled you up with so many valuable nuggets.

The fourth nugget: Spring Cleaning

I deserve a peaceful life.

Complete a spring cleaning of your relationships. Some relationships are not meant to last forever. Some people are meant to be in our lives for a short period of time while others are meant to stick around for years. Who are you spending most of your time with? Are they adding value to your life or are they keeping you stagnant? What renovations need to be made in your life? It is important to understand that this process can cause some ill feelings. The key is staying focused on what you are trying to accomplish and become.

What is difficult about this process and should be expected is going through the grief of the loss. Being comfortable with the loss of a relationship will bring you comfort. You will lose maybe not just one person but several people. Lean into the grief process. Learn more about yourself and what you want around you. Friends and family that I thought would be around forever are not. It was hard for me to grasp that. The love, the attention, and the TIME I invested in certain people for the relationships to just end was gut wrenching! And I had to realize that they were no longer adding value to my life. They were bringing me down. They were judging me. They were jealous of me. I will never understand why for some but I am happier without them around. I had to learn to be okay with that.

I am constantly growing into a better version of myself.

Surround yourself with people who are where you want to be. Renovation of your life may include tapping into mentors, coaches, and counselors to help you. Leveling up your life requires downgrades elsewhere .

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Self Discovery Nugget 3: Identify Your Strengths

Now that we have the 7 steps to discovering your true self, let’s continue to dig deeper because I filled you up with so many valuable nuggets.

The third nugget: Identify Your Strengths

The key word in this nugget is YOUR. We live in a world today where more likely than not we are comparing ourselves to what and who we see on social media. Your personal strengths help move you forward in a way that works for you. What works or worked for someone else might not work for you. So if you are trying to do something the same way someone else did and your strengths are not aligned with the task at hand, you will end up right back where you started…scratching your head, and wondering why this thing that worked for someone else is not working for you. Check out this awesome Ted Talk hosted by Eva Herber. She dives into why it is important to focus on your strengths. Your strengths come natural to you and compliment what it is you are trying to accomplish. It is important to understand the difference between strengths and weaknesses, or what I like to call my “needs improvement characteristics”. This article goes into more detail about the importance of why you should be aware of both.

Today I will do something my future self will be proud of.

What motivates you? What are you good at? What energizes you? What gives you purpose? How can you use your strengths to help you rediscover who you are? A great tool to use for this is called “High 5 Test“. You will need about twenty minutes to sit quietly with this test. The key with deciding on whether or not you should take this test is if you are unsure of what your strengths are and/or you want clarity for yourself. What I liked about doing this myself was that I had a good idea of what my strengths were. I just did not have the label and description with it. This test will allow you to connect the dots of different parts of your personality and learn how they can all work together personally and professionally. Focus on building up the best parts of you while you continue to work on the areas that need improvement.

Self Discovery Nugget 2: Sit

Now that we have the 7 steps to discovering your true self, let’s continue to dig deeper because I filled you up with so many valuable nuggets.

Nugget 2: Sit alone. Alone? Yes.

Reflect. Acknowledge. Speak.

Self discovery doesn’t happen with your friends, your co workers, your mom or your spouse/significant other. Set time aside to sit with yourself daily for 30 minutes. You are probably asking yourself why or what you’re supposed to do with that time. In that time look at where you’re at in life. Reflect. Acknowledge. Speak. Reflect on how you got to where you are now. Acknowledge your successful events and not so successful events. Speak life over yourself.

No matter how many people you have around you, at the end of the day you have to be the one to pick your own self up. No one can be a bigger cheerleader for you than YOU. Why are you here? Seriously. What is your purpose? Who are you? Being a mom, dad, spouse, friend are great and I also want you to really think about these questions. Are you living out your purpose? Are you committed to being a better version of yourself? There is always room for growth.

Failure is an event. It does not define who you are.

Remember, failure does suck but it does not define who you are. Failure is an event. It is not who you are. Failure is something that happens to you and for you. You have worth and you are here reading this. Therefore, you matter. Tell yourself, “this thing failed and I am not a failure”. Sit with it. Own it. And then plan for what your next steps will be.

To see the full blog I wrote on self discovery, click here.

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7 Steps to Discover Your True Self

Every year I see and hear people saying that they are tying to find themselves or figure out who they are and what their purpose is. Most of the time these same people are not completely happy with who they are in that moment or time in their lives. That was me. I was stuck for 5 years trying to understand how and why I lost myself. I didn’t know who I was anymore for quite some time.

It’s time to be selfish because you have been selfless for so long.

My question to you is, when are you going to put yourself first? When are you truly going to reevaluate your life and start to make some small changes? It’s time to be selfish because you’ve been self less for so long. Here are 7 Steps to help you get started and moving in the right direction:

1. Write down what you like.

Self discovery has a lot to do with what we feel we may have lost within ourselves. What we like tends to bring us some sort of joy for a moment. What do you like to do? What did you like to do, that you used to do, that you don’t do anymore? That was a mouthful, read that again. What did you like to do, that you used to do, that you don’t do anymore? Write down at least five things that you would like or do like that brings you joy.

2. Sit alone. Alone? Yes.

Self discovery doesn’t happen with your friends, your co workers, your mom/dad or your spouse/significant other. Set time aside to sit with yourself daily for 30 minutes. In that time look at where you’re at in life. Reflect on how you got to where you are now. Acknowledge your successful events and not so successful events. Write them down. Speak life over yourself. Look yourself in the eyes (in the mirror) and tell yourself where you want to be. Write down where you want to be.

I am not selfish if I focus on myself for a little bit

Jazzy Speaks

3. Identify your strengths.

What motivates you? What are you good at? What energizes you? What gives you purpose? How can you use your strengths to help you rediscover who you are? A great tool to use for this is called “High 5 Test”: https://high5test.com/.

4. Complete a spring cleaning of your relationships.

Are they adding value to your life…

Some relationships are not meant to last forever. Some people are meant to be in our lives for a short period of time while others are meant to stick around for years. Who are you spending most of your time with? Are they adding value to your life or are they keeping you stagnant? Many times we may find ourselves pouring ourselves into someone so much that we feel drained. As if they were sucking the life out of us. Surround yourself with people who are where you want to be. Tap into mentors, coaches, and counselors to help you.

5. Be vulnerable and ask a trusted person for feedback.

This one requires A LOT of vulnerability and it requires you TO LISTEN. Some times it can be helpful to hear what others think of us, if it is a) coming from a good place and b) it is received well. Seek out a trusted person who you feel knows you pretty well and ask them to provide you with some feedback on how and what they think and see within you. Ask them to give you the good, the bad, and the ugly, because you want to know. Ask them what they think you are good at (your strengths) and what you can improve upon and work on to be a better version of yourself.

6. Apologize and forgive yourself.

Sometimes what is holding us back at being the best version of ourselves is the person we see when we look in the mirror. If you’re waiting for the person who hurt you to fix what they did to you, you are on their time. Make the decision today to heal yourself. You have control over how you react and respond to the pain. You are not what you went through or what you are going through.

When was the last time you looked in the mirror and had a conversation with yourself? “[insert your name] and say: I’m sorry for allowing these things to happen to you. I’m sorry for how I’ve been treating you. You deserve better. You deserve happiness. You deserve to find out what your purpose is and to live. I will create happiness for you starting now. I hurt you and I let you down and I forgive you. Moving forward I will try my best everyday to give you what you deserve. There will be ups and downs but I got this”.

Allow yourself to feel.

Whew! Did you do it? Hard huh? Maybe today is not the day that you do it but write it down and give yourself that moment. This helps you take ownership of your life and decisions. It is so freeing. You won’t know until you try. You might cry and that’s okay. Allow yourself to feel.

7. Affirmations. Affirmations. Affirmations!

I am remembering the freedom to be here, and live an enjoyable life. It’s not for me to always be about self improvement. I trust, I relax, and enjoy myself. It is more than okay to take a break from healing.

Toni Jones

These are huge! Even if you don’t believe the affirmations, say them to yourself until you do believe. A great resource if you don’t know where to start when creating affirmations is here and also a bomb artist I recently discovered, created a new genre of music called Affirmations and Chill. Here’s the link to my favorite song and album. Write down some of your favorites and speak life over yourself every morning. You should start your day with affirmations. This helps to set the tone for your day every day.

For more great tips and challenges, check out this great book by Gary John Bishop Unfu*k Yourself: Get Out of Your Head and into Your Life.

Every thing you need to discover or rediscover yourself is inside of you.

They key is starting small. Don’t overwhelm yourself by trying to make a huge list of changes today. Have patience with yourself and remind yourself that you are doing the best you can. Every thing you need to discover or rediscover yourself is inside of you.

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Intro To Me

Hi, I’m Jasmine also now known as “Jazzy Speaks”. I created this space for myself because this is where I allow the opportunity for MY words to flow without #filters. I want to educate you through my experiences.

I had a filter on for so long for social media, friends and family that many did not even know I was unhappy with my life for YEARS. I was very good at hiding and saving face because I wanted to please others. I have done the work to heal from the hurt and pain I experienced and I want to give my story back to women (and men) who have felt or feel the same. Stay tuned for more blogs and motivational posts and tips from me! 

Currently, I am a licensed professional counselor by day. I am a full-time mother. When I’m not spending time with my wonderful son and supportive significant other, I love reading, writing, creating new food dishes, going on adventures, and living a healthy, joy filled, and organized life!

My life mission and purpose, is to help women get unstuck, inform them that I SEE them, and help them discover their WHY in life through MY story by building connections, and providing counseling. 

I’m that counselor who you wish was your best friend! I love people! 

Also, I have my first book coming soon!! Stay tuned for: “She Stood Up and Walked”. 

I look forward to providing you all with gems and adding value to your life.