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Counseling Depression growth Life after divorce Marriage relationships self discovery

Reaction to Derrick Jaxn – Perspective

Wow…


Take a step back, open your mind for a moment and remember that people have various types of motivation for what they do, especially on social media. This is also known as someone’s “WHY,” which means that I as a relationship coach, advocate it is my experiences that motivate and influence me to do what I am doing. If you have not read my Intro To Me, please do so.

The reason I decided to give a response to Derrick Jaxn’s video apology/truth is because of perspective. Derrick has been known as a huge social media icon: Mr. Relationship. He has provided content to his followers to include advice, books, games and weekly videos on how a man should and should not be in relationships and towards his woman.

Allow me to share my perspective. Scrolling through any social media site, you will find many responses and comments toward this couple, especially directed towards him. So allow me to walk you through my thoughts.

On one side I hear:

  • You are a lie
  • You’re a cheat
  • All men cheat
  • Everyone cheats
  • You’ve been putting yourself on this pedestal as if you were the best example of what a man should be to his woman.
  • There’s no hope

Another side I hear:

  • You have given great advice and most of the time what drives someone to do what they do (as I stated earlier) is based on experience.

Perhaps if he had led with, “I was a cheater and I’m speaking from experience, let me help you be a better man in your relationships,” we would have been more receptive to hear and receive what he was saying.

The final side I hear:

  • Great job for owning your truth and doing the work behind the scenes with your wife.
  • Shout out to her for sticking by your side through your bs.

Although during the interview, I was feeling that her body language showed that she was “over it” for a lack of better words.

Focus on what you have going on with yourself and in your household before you judge.

Remember the open mind I asked you to have at the beginning? Great. I remind you to focus on what you have going on with yourself and in your household before you judge.

There’s so much to unravel through this situation and at the same time we will never know the entire story or truth and it’s not meant for us to anyway but based on what we do know, what can we learn from him? When you are passionate about something, in your “why” define your purpose and passion then share with your audience where that passion stems from and what was the “ah-ha” moment for defining your purpose? Transparency as you open up to your audience matters and allows you to immediately connect with your audience on a more purposeful level. After all, we are ALL HUMAN.

Categories
growth growth mindset relationships self discovery self love

Self Discovery Nugget 1: What do I like?

Now that we have the 7 steps to discovering your true self, let’s dig deeper because I filled you up with so many valuable nuggets.  For the next several posts we will dig deeper into each nugget.

Nugget #1: Write down what you like.

Self discovery has a lot to do with what we feel we may have lost within ourselves. A lot of times we see this in relationships or marriages. Understand who you are. What do you like? What don’t you like? What we like tends to bring us some sort of joy for a moment. What do you like to do? What did you like to do that you used to do that you don’t do anymore? That was a mouthful, read that again. As you read this, I would like you to write down at least five things that you would like to do that brings you some joy. This could even include a goal or two you may have for yourself.

You can get back to you!

Many of us put the things we like and even our goals aside to adjust to the “new life” we find ourselves in. Sometimes we do this without realizing it until years go by and sometimes we do this because we THING we cannot commit or find time for ourselves. Now, there may be some things you may have to adjust to especially when you have kids or have to take care of a family member. AND I want you to remember you CAN get back to YOU.

  • What if I told you that you can still be in a relationship or have certain responsibilities and MAKE time for you to do whatever it is you want to do? (With reason and respect of course).
  • What if you set aside specific time for you and your list of likes or for you and your goals?
  • What if you set a timer so that you have control over the time spent and can be more intentional about what it is you are wanting to do?
  • What if you discovered your purpose in life and it happens to be something you like and enjoy doing?
  • What value are you fulfilling?
  • What if you had thirty minutes to do something you like today, what would you do?
What piece is missing from your life? What have you lost within yourself.

I lost myself in a relationship and was stripped from my social life. I was being consistently inconsistent with myself in what I needed because I was trying to please others in an unhealthy way. I had to relearn some things about myself including WHO I was. So I had to ask myself and was asked in counseling: Who is Jasmine? What does Jasmine like?

It took me a while to know and understand it was okay to like to do what it was I liked to do. Who are you really? Be okay with who you are and what you like. Give yourself permission to change over time. Give yourself permission and time to identify what these things are even if you have forgotten or have been forgotten. Identify what you values are and how what you like align with those values. Understanding WHY these things are important to you will allow you to give yourself permission to set aside time for them.

  • I like being social and meeting new people.
  • I like doing community service work for a cause.
  • I like to explore new restaurants and go to happy hours.
  • I like to eat ice cream and sit outside and let the sun melt it as I try to hurry and eat it.
  • I like to blast music (all genres) throughout my house.
  • I like to talk and share laughs on the phone with my friends who no longer reside close to me.
  • I like to listen to my favorite podcasts.
  • I like to learn by reading or attending trainings from all over the world.
  • I like to workout outside when the weather is over 65 degrees.
  • I like to watch horror movies on Saturday afternoons.

Everything you need for your success, you have inside of you.

Everything you need for your success, you have it inside you. Don’t let anyone talk you out of your dreams or goals. Those are YOURS. Go after it! So I ask you again, what do you like? What are you going to do in order to allow yourself to tap into those things today?

To see the full blog I wrote on self discovery, click here.